Funny MSN Names
Stupid Quotes

"Golden, Ripe, Boneless Bananas, 39 Cents A Pound."
- Ad in the "Missoulian" by Orange Street Food Farm

"I invented the internet".
- Al Gore, former U.S. Vice President

"Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none of them serious."
- Alan Minter, Boxer

"I think that the film Clueless was very deep. I think it was deep in the way that it was very light. I think lightness has to come from a very deep place if it's true lightness."
- Alicia Silverstone, Actress

"How to store your baby walker: First, remove baby."
- Anonymous Manufacturer

"This is no longer a slum neighborhood. I haven't heard of a Cubs fan being shot in a long time."
- Anonymous Wrigley Field Neighbor, Chicago, IL

"During the scrimmage, Tarkanian paced the sideline with his hands in his pockets while biting his nails."
- AP report describing Fresno State basketball coach Jerry Tarkanian

"Two grand slams in a week - man, that's seven or eight ribbies right there."
- Bill Madlock, Baseball broadcaster

"You guys line up alphabetically by height."
- Bill Peterson, Florida State football coach

"Men, I want you just thinking of one word all season. One word and one word only: Super Bowl."
- Bill Peterson, football coach

"The internet is a great way to get on the net."
- Bob Dole, Republican presidential candidate

"I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada."
- Britney Spears, Pop Singer

"Most cars on our roads have only one occupant, usually the driver."
- Carol Malia, BBC Anchorwoman

"The team has come along slow but fast."
- Casey Stengel, Baseball player/manager

"I think the team that wins Game 5 will win the series. Unless we lose Game 5."
- Charles Barkley, NBA Basketball Player

"China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese."
- Charles De Gaulle, former French President

"Football players win football games."
- Chuck Knox, football coach

"Most lies about blondes are false."
- Cincinnati Times-Star, headline

"If you give a person a fish, they'll fish for a day. But if you train a person to fish, they'll fish for a lifetime."
- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President

"It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago"
- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice-President

"It's time for the human race to enter the solar system!"
- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President on the concept of a manned mission to Mars

"I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix."
- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President

"Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer."
- David Acfield

"I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law."
- David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes.

"The only reason we're 7-0 is because we've won all seven of our games."
- David Garcia, baseball team manager

"Sit by the homely girl, you'll look better by comparison."
- Debra Maffett, Miss America 1983

"We don't like their sound. Groups of guitars are on the way out."
- Decca Records Rejecting the Beatles, in 1962

"Chemistry is a class you take in high school or college, where you figure out two plus two is 10, or something."
- Dennis Rodman, NBA Basketball player, on Chicago Bull's team chemistry being overrated

"We're just physically not physical enough."
- Denny Crum, Louisville basketball coach

"Weather forecast: precipitation in the morning, rain in the afternoon."
- Detroit Daily News

"The doctors X-rayed my head and found nothing."
- Dizzy Dean explaining how he felt after being hit on the head by a ball in the 1934 World Series.

"Can you get a ticket for running a stop sign that is not
there?"
- Driver school applicant

"The world is more like it is now then it ever has before."
- Dwight Eisenhower

"A billion here, a billion there, sooner or later it adds up to real money."
- Everett Dirksen, Congressman

"Boxing's all about getting the job done as quickly as possible, whether it takes 10 or 15 or 20 rounds."
- Frank Bruno, Boxer

"The streets are safe in Philadelphia. It's only the people who make them unsafe."
- Frank Rizzo, ex-police chief and mayor of Philadelphia.

"I have opinions of my own --strong opinions-- but I don't always agree with them."
- George Bush, former U.S. President

"It is white."
- George W. Bush, when asked what the White house was like by a student in East London

"If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight."
- George Gobel

"If you think is was an accident, applaud."
- Geraldo Rivera, talk show host, to his audience on Natalie Wood's drowning

"I cannot tell you how grateful I am -- I am filled with humidity."
- Gib Lewis, speaker of the Texas House

"Does the album have any songs you like that aren't on it?
- Harry News, music reviewer

"Coming on to pitch is Mike Moore, who is six-foot-one and 212 years old."
- Herb Score, Sportscaster

"I do not like this word "bomb." It is not a bomb. It is a device that is exploding."
- Jacques le Blanc, French ambassador on nuclear weapons

"I don't want to ever, ever do something in life that isn't fun. Ever."
- Jennifer Love Hewitt, Actress, in the February Cosmopolitan.

"We're going to move left and right at the same time."
- Jerry Brown, Governor of California

"I have a God-given talent. I got it from my dad."
- Julian Wakefield, Missouri basketball player

"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
- Former Australian cabinet minister Keppel Enderbery

"I don't diet. I just don't eat as much as I'd like to."
- Linda Evangelista, Supermodel

"He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is."
- Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime of heavyweight Andrew Golota.

I"The largest crowd ever in the state of Las Vegas."
- Mark Jones, TV Broadcaster

"Pitching is 80% of the game. The other half is hitting and fielding."
- Mickey Rivers, baseball player

"I'm a 4-wheel-drive pickup type of guy. So is my wife."
- Mike Greenwell, Baseball player

"If only faces could talk..."
- Pat Summerall, Sportscaster, during the Super Bowl

"All of the Mets' road wins against Los Angeles this year have been at Dodger Stadium."
- Ralph Kiner, NY Sportscaster

"Solutions are not the answer."
- Richard Nixon, former U.S. President

"Permitted vehicles not allowed."
- Road sign on US 27

"A bachelor's life is no life for a single man."
- Samuel Goldwyn

"SAFETY FIRST: Please put on your seat belt - prepare for accident."
- Sign on backseat of Taxi

"If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again."
- Terry Venables

Other Names
Take my advice; I don't use it anyway.

A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you!

He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.

Anything not nailed down is a cat toy.

I saw Elvis. He sat between me and Bigfoot on the UFO.

Next time you wave, use all your fingers.

Leftists are among the first to speak of their rights.

I like kids, but I don't think I could eat a whole one.

AIBOHPHOBIA - the fear of palindromes.

I was the next door kid's imaginary friend.

If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.

Even crime wouldn't pay if the government ran it.

Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.

If your eyes hurt when you drink coffee, remove the spoon from the cup.

Constipated people don't give a shit.

Practice safe sex. Go screw yourself.

If you drink, don't park, accidents cause people.

Don't drink and drive. Do all your drinking before you get into the car.

Who lit the fuse on your tampon?

If you don't believe in oral sex, keep your mouth shut.

Please tell your pants it's not polite to point.

To all you virgins - thanks for nothing.

If at first you don't succeed... blame someone else and seek counselling.

Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings".

It's not how you pick your nose, but where you put the booger.

You're just jealous because the voices are only talking to me.

The Earth is full. Go home.

I have the body of a God... Buddha.

This would be really funny if it weren't happening to me.

Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.

If we quit voting will they all go away?

The face is familiar but I can't quite remember my name.

Eat right, exercise daily, die anyway.

Illiterate? Write for help.

Error - Keyboard Not Found. Press any key to continue.

I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.

I do whatever my Rice Krispies tell me to.

It's been lovely... but I have to scream now.

If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong...

Fight crime: shoot back!

Give violence a kick in the balls.

Guys: No shirt, no service. Gals: No shirt, no charge. (reported to be seen in a restaurant window)

Necrophilia: That uncontrollable urge to crack open a cold one.

Don't be sexist. Broads hate that.

How many roads must a man travel down before he admits he is lost?

If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, riddle them with bullets.

Saw it... wanted it... had a fit... got it!

What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull.

Before you criticise somebody, try walking a mile in their shoes first. That way, when you do criticise them, you're a mile away, and you have their shoes too.

Optimist - The glass is half full.
Pessimist - The glass is half emtpy.
Realist - The glass is.
Idealist - The glass should be full.
Feminist - HIS glass is more full than MY glass.
Chauvenist - Who gave HER a glass?
Anarchist - Break the glass!
Environmentalist - Save the water, dude.
Psychologist - This fixation on glasses is surely a repercussion of your troubled childhood. Tell me about your mother.
Philosopher - Prove to me that this glass exists, and that it is indeed a glass, and that it is neither full nor empty.
Capitalist - Glass? How much is it worth?
Royalist - Minion! Fill my glass!
Chemist - It's actually 50% H20, 40% nitrogen and 10% oxygen.

Light a fire for a man and he will be warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

Girly MSN Names

*~*GuYs ArE LiKe StArS, tHeRe ArE mIlLiOnS oF tHeM, bUt OnLy OnE CaN mAkE YoUr dREaMs cOmE TrUe*~*




*~*i kNoW yOu tHiNk yOu bRoKe mY hEaRt, bUt i kNeW yOuR gAmE fRoM tHe sTaRt..i SaW yOuR gAmE aNd pLaYeD iT tOo..sTuPiD pLaYa..tHe jOkEs oN yOu*~*




¤GuYs r pLaYeRs AnD ThAts A FaCt...DoN't FaLl -N- LoVe, JuSt pLaY 'eM bAcK!¤




~*iM nOt ShY, i JuSt DoNt LiKe YoU*~




*~*ReLaTiOnShiPs ArE LiKe GlAsS... It MiGhT bE BeTtEr To Be BrOkEn Up ThEn To GeT hUrT TrYiNg To PuT iT bAcK ToGeThEr.*~*






I May not Get 2 see U as often As I Would Like,I May not Get 2 Hold U all through The night,But deep inside my heart,I Kno That This Is True,No Matter What I do,I Will alwayz Luv u*




When a guy asks u to suck it...smile turn around and say,"I heard its dangerous to put small things in my mouth




**1Ce aPoN A TiMe SoMeThInG HaPpEnEd To mE It WaS ThE SwEeTeSt tHiNg tHaT CoUlD Be,iT WaS A fAnTaSy A DrEaM CoMe tRuE, iT wAs tHe DaY i MeT YoU**




NeVeR GiVe uP iF u sTiLL WaNNa TrY*NeVeR WiPe aWaY uR tEaRs iF u sTiLL WaNNa CrY*NeVeR SaY YeS iF u rEaLLy MeAn No*NeVeR SaY tHaT u DoNt LoVe HiM iF u cAnT LeT HiM Go*






~*~(k)(l)DonT CaLl Me A GoDdEss DoNt DonT CaLl Me A QuEeN JuSt CaLl mE ThE CuTeSt LiTtLe PrIncEsS YoUvE EvA SeEn(L)(K)~*~




*~*~*Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice*~*~*




*~I SmIlE BeCaUsE I hAvE No IdEa WhAt Is GoInG oN!*~




¤I Wasnt Kissing Him, I Was Telling His Lips A Secret!¤




~Do u believe in love at first site? Or should i walk by again?




If I ToLd YoU tHaT yOu HaD a NiCe BoDy... WoULd YoU HoLd It AgAiNsT mE ??




*I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming it on you*